roller coaster

[lunatique]

Maybe it's just PMS, but i'm really having trouble with my mood these days. It's like total roller coaster. I can feel fine one day then absolutely depressed and pissed at the whole world the next. Then i would lose myself in some book and be fine the next morning, but throw a hissy fit at someone the same afternoon.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???!!! T___T
I really think i should consult someone about depressive tendencies. It's been like this since May. I thought it was because i missed school and my social life, but it's not that. Social life messes me up even more now. >_____________>
I just can't feel HAPPY anymore. I can be peaceful for a while, cheerful some days, but never deeply happy. I think it's because i cannot function without a goal, and that right now i cannot figure out what i wanna do with my life.
AM I HAVING IDENTITY CRISES OR SOMETHING????? T_________T


On a more cheerful note, seii_ryu took me and Amy to this soap shop downtown. LIKE WHOA!! *____* Their soap look like cake!! Soo varied and pretty and natural! ^___^ SOO FRAGRANT my nose hurt!!
I found a Taka!Soap!!*__* It smelled like honey~♥♥
Thank you Nana!!~ u can always make me feel better!~ ^___^

Meeting hamano_ayumi, kimmy16 and arisan tomorrow!~^_^ 12 at Atwater, is that it?? :DDD

Soo tired. Going to watch JDorama now. Gonna spend rest of weekend doing stuff i'm suppose to... >____>

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Yue, your case is definally NOT an identity crisis. It could be chronicle depression, but not identity crisis. I think it's more like the winter's coming messing with our hormones. I'm having the same kind of problem here and my French teacher (who is a man) told me that it's normal and it happends to everybody. Winter's arrival makes people melancholic and unable to feel happiness. Guess it'll settle once winter is fully here: snow = joy!

[littlewolfstar.livejournal.com]

I really hope it settles soon T______________T
*hugs you*

[disutansu.livejournal.com]

*hugs to you lots* Moods are something we can't control, sadly. ;-; Just hang in there ne?

[littlewolfstar.livejournal.com]

Thank love~~~ ^___^ *huggles you*

[aziraphale-mel.livejournal.com]

my cure for not-happy-ness is usually fandom. *______*

but you take care, honey. ♥

[littlewolfstar.livejournal.com]

Fandom is a good cure *___________* tnnk, hon ^___^ u take care too :D

[daruki.livejournal.com]

"I think it's because i cannot function without a goal, and that right now i cannot figure out what i wanna do with my life."

...If that's really it, then WE need to talk philosophy one of the days; Do you mean something on the line of a lack of motivation? Like you don't really know what to do in your spare time, no matter how much things there are that you SHOULD do? Always somewhat idle(maybe not)? And the "mood swings"... Do you mean something like you could be okay one sec and totally dark the other for no apparent reason and can sometimes snap back at the least unprovoked comment(you were sorta annoyed)? This might not be too accurate of a "diagnostic"... But if it IS somewhat on the lines of what I've described... Then I think I'm going through the same thing than you are, except that mine has lasted longer than 5 months... >__< You don't seem to have a problem when we meet though, but then again, neither do I...

Man, we gotta talk. ><;

[littlewolfstar.livejournal.com]

YES ITS EXACTLY LIKE THAT DKL ASH DJASHDJKASHDJASHK JDAKD A
IT'S LIKE DEMENTORS LIKE TO PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK WITH ME!!!!

NIETZSCHE SAVE ME T_________________T TELL ME HOW THE GREEKS CAN FACE THEIR DARK DESTINY AND CREATE PRETTYFUL ART!! T___T HOW CAN I CHANNEL DEPRESSIVE ENERGY INTO CREATIVE INSPIRATION??? T___T

You totally understand me ;_____; *clings*

*angst*

[daruki.livejournal.com]

I didn't understand the first line of the second paragraph. ^__^;;

Well you're...somewhat lucky. My "depression" has been going on for like, at least a year. ._.; My grades were somewhat affected by it, and trust, me, idling while you have a bajillion exam and math notions you've never heard of... It really screws up sec 5 and chances of CEGEP acceptation. >_> Sec 5 is important, but I flunked my 1st MATH exam with like 40% and sleep through at least one class per day. I was at least able to do 3 hrs of math today, which is REALLY something since I haven't spent more than 30 mins on homework since like this april...

Ah, sorry. Back to you. *Stares back at your original "rant"* Naw, no way it's social life. MY "social life" in Regina consists of about 4 people, 2 asians to whom I say HI everytime we see, my friend who we talk everyday during lunch time and her silent friend that always follow her around- I don't have anyone I'd consider a "good" friend in my class this year. The social life I've aquired THANKS TO YOU -Really, I can never thank you enough. Through Tales, you introduced me to James, and he introduced me to work, where I met EVREYONE ELSE. Thanks. Really, I mean it-, for one, is doing ME good. I'm very expectant for the RP. Then again, you and your Manh factor kinda screws that up, ne? ^^;

Like I told you, I'm going through the same thing you are and has yet to find a solution myself. Actually, I'll tell you the truth (here doesn't matter even if it IS a personal matter, no one else knows about my LJ account except you anyway). You know why I was late last friday? I stayed after school to talk to my math teacher, since she said two people are flunking their way out of her class, and I was one of them. My exam was disastrous (since I used to get 85+ in math for 4 yrs straight) and she was going to write to my mom. My initial goal was only to try to persuade her to not write to my mom, but it ended up as me confessing that I'm having this HUGE case of de-motivation; I have NO IDEA what to do with my life and can't bring myself to concentrate on anything whatsoever. So she told me maybe I should see the school's social worker, and she also asked me many questions concerning my tastes. I told her drawing was a big hobby of mine, but I insisted that I won't be doing it as a job because something in me tells me that it's a HOBBY, and will always stay as one. I also had to confess my "obsession" with RPGs, and she asked me if I wanted to work in the game design department. I said I had no idea. Anyway... It helped. Somehow I had tears in my eyes and did cry a little for the strangest of reasons. I had no idea why.

Notice I put "obsession" in "". I don't know if this happened to me... But this melancholy of mine also makes it that nothing important attaches me to this world. Like when I don't behave, my parents would either hide the internet wire or my GameCube memo card. Of course, I would be pissed, but eventually I find out that I can live without it; I like it very much, but it's not something that can really attach me to this world. In other words, my time is wasted with me being in another world, a world which I myself has no idea what it is. It almost sounds suicidal when I put it this way: Nothing is important enough in this world for me to continue living for. You might get to this stage, so maybe having a witness of someone going through the same problems might help... >>;;;

Anyway, so my math teacher said she was going to check my homework everyday(though she never does to anyone). I agreed, it can be a start to bring me back, thus 3 hrs of math today for me. Yet I still have not studied for Physics, even if the exam is Wednesday and it's 100% of term 1. Ahhh... This is an example, I should totally be studying now. So... anything I typed out from my personal experience ressembles yours? >>; We REALLY need to talk. (my comment is too long, this is part one)

[daruki.livejournal.com]

(part two, sorry)
...inspiration... I'm, not sure. Maybe drawing something Dark and Bloody will help, because art is a way to express ourselves, and as dark and gloomy an art you draw, I do not think you will depress yourself further; you'll identify yourself with the piece and actually might feel better. That might just be me, though. >>;

Ah... I typed alot. About me. ><; I hope I didn't sound too selfish, though like I said... Telling you what's happening to me might help you understand better what's happening to YOU. So sorry for the uber-longness, because this is how I rant. ><; Hope it helped, at least a little...